Coney Island Dog
If you’re new to Unquotables, welcome aboard matey! This is a weekly feature that is filled with quotes that were definitely NOT said by anyone. In fact, Coney Island Dog made them up! It’s completely satire and we love that for us.
Without further ado, these are things that definitely WERE NOT said by the riders or personnel after the fourth round of the 2024 Monster Energy Supercross Championship, but we all know they were thinking it.
AMA Official: “It takes us at least 20 minutes to watch a five second clip of video and see that Anderson skipped the whoops, and because these triple crown races are shorter, we didn’t quite nab him before he did a podium speech.”
Cooper Webb: “I knew coming in that a 2-2-5 would be good enough to take the victory here. Winning races is for suckas.”
Chase Sexton: “I played a bit of 4D chess then, letting Jett by, knowing he’d crash later.”
A2 Crowd: “We love seeing riders crash out, that’s why we cheered, because it’s awesome when we have one less of these dudes fit and healthy.”
Podium Aaron Plessinger: “Yeeehaaawww. Howdy pardners. Imma just tie up my horse, and have a whiskey in the saloon. I f$%&**%£$* love these Triple Crown shootouts. Woooooooooo”
Press Conference Aaron Plessinger: “The inevitability of my continued success, is a sign of my fortitude and forthright nature, combined with my steely determination and superbly-oriented KTM offroad-motorcycle, which leads me to the conclusion that I am the still on summit of this field of fine young gentlemen. Ergo, I am a superb rider.”
Ricky Carmichael: “Outside, inside.”
Live Timing: “I really hate triple crowns. I usually rock up after I’ve had my smoke break, about 5 mins late anyway, and then it takes me a couple of mins to get my $hit together, so I’m actually only doing my job effectively for about 1 lap in these sprint races.”
Main Image: Octopi Media
