T-Dog’s Takes: John Short’s Mustache Has Powers, Bro

Notice that this column now has a sponsor? That’s right! Troy Dog joined the Blu Cru and you should too! I have one in my garage right now and I can’t wait to go shred it! Thank you to Yamaha for believing in my ELITE columns on this dirt bike website enough to sponsor me. What a dream come true! BTW: Have you seen the all-new YZ450F? OH. MY. GOODNESS. I can’t wait to test that bad boy.

I think we all need to take a break from the important topics of the week, including #peegate, Haiden Deegan, and how it may be impossible to get the T-Dog Squad all on the same page, to focus on another very important topic: John Short’s mustache. 

Have you seen it? 

It may be the holy grail of staches that has ever stached. Look, I know that he has rocked a mustache for quite some time now. Maybe he even grew it for Movember and forgot to get rid of it? Maybe he realized that he was 6 to 9 seconds better with the stache and it made him more aerodynamic in his racing? 

Either way, the mustache has powers, bro. After dabbling in the 450SX class here and there through the years, Short has a really great opportunity with the growing Madd Parts Kawasaki team this season. It’s his first season as a full-time 450SX guy and he’s showing he’s here to stay as well. He’s made three out of four main events and this past weekend’s 18th in Houston was his best finish yet. He obviously wants more than that, however it’s been a great start to the season. 

Now, back to the stache. In my opinion, I don’t think that he could do all of this without it. It’s the magic mustache. If I had to describe it, it’s like a mix between Tom Selleck, Albert Einstein, and your lunch lady from high school. I even think that the stache has its own locker inside of the Madd Parts rig. It’s a strong look, you know? It’s a fact that people look more intimidating with facial hair. I wouldn’t know since I missed that part of puberty and can’t grow any to this day, but John Short knows and that is all that matters. 

What are the pros and cons of running the stache? Well, for one if you get hungry mid-race you could grab a mid-race snack out of it had you stocked some leftovers in there. You could also look more sophisticated in the autograph line by twisting the sides of it like an old railway robber from the 1920s. Short is literally a top hat and a cane away from pulling off that look. 

I’m going to be completely irate if Short shows up to Tampa without the mustache, or any other round this season. It would be like peanut butter without the jelly, or the bacon without the eggs, or even the macaroni without the cheese. All of which John Short has stored in his mustache for nourishment to really get the energy going late in the motos.   

The fate of Short’s season relies on his upper lip. By the time the season is over I hope to make “John Short’s mustache” as famous as a saying as “Davy Jones’ locker. Like every time he makes a pass it’ll be like, you’re another casualty of John Short’s mustache. PLEASE make this work Leigh Diffey, Daniel Blair, and Ricky Carmichael. 

I can’t put a number on what Short’s best finish will be this season, but I know that the sky’s the limit with the ol’ dirt squirrel intact. 

One thing that is for sure is that I’ll be following this developing story very closely. 

Main image: Jason Watkins/Madd Parts Kawasaki