Troy Dog
One of the most overlooked annually occurring events in nature, is when the “Alaskan Assassin” Ben LaMay wakes up from hibernation to race the Lucas Oil Pro Motocross Championship. His schedule will leave you in shock and awe.
Every year after he races the entire series, he immediately loads up on beef jerky, fresh blueberries, and exactly 455 pounds of fresh Alaskan Salmon and he goes to sleep. He eats so much salmon that Roger De Coster is jealous. This year hibernation only lasted five months for LaMay, and here is proof in case you thought I made this crap up.
Yeah, he actually said that he Jedi mind tricked himself into sleeping longer. This guy is just a manimal. This 450 field is in BIG trouble because he woke up early, which means more time to prepare for his assault on the Summer.
When Ben Dog finally awakens from his Alaskan long winter’s nap, he trains. We shouldn’t actually call it training, it should just be called pain and suffering, and he’s here for it. LaMay runs up mountains carrying boulders, he swims up stream with the salmon, and he wrestles bears. He doesn’t hurt them, although he does go until THEY tap out. Don’t flag me Humane Society, I am just the reporter here.
Now that LaMay is awake and suffering is commencing we figured he’d be in a great mood. He’s definitely well rested and ready to square up on all sorts of woodland creatures. I really wanted to find out why he wants to race the nationals every summer. He gave me a pretty simple answer.
He said:
- I am in good shape.
- I can still go fast.
- I love riding dirtbikes.
- I enjoy the suffer and physical pain it brings.
Yep, this guy eats pine cone smoothies with the bits left big for “texture” and then he sleeps in a cave with a bed of pine needles and mama bear’s pillow. Over the winter his house cave was broken into by a small girl named Goldilocks. She found no porridge to eat because LaMay is not a little bitch. We eat tree bark, bro.
LaMay is the seasoned privateer in the 450 class. He’s not going to race if he has to spend his own money, so methinks he has a great setup with his current sponsors. He’s got sublimated jerseys specially made in Italy by the boys and girls over at UFO, so you know he is legit. Ben will make a case for the top privateer by the season’s end, just like he has done for the last 23 years that he has raced. Then he will run to Alaska and eat a butt ton of salmon and sleep for 8 months. Ah…isn’t nature beautiful?
Main image: Ben LaMay
“He eats so much salmon that Roger De Coster is jealous” has me in literal tears right now!
@kylecowling Same! Dead. ????